The Ebb and Flow of Grief Throughout EMDR

Grief, something we all have experienced in some way, shape or form that can come up and inform our clinical practice. As EMDR therapists we have to be able to acknowledge, hold space for and honor the grief. It serves a purpose and we want to better understand that through an AIP lens to work with it, rather than against it, throughout the EMDR process.

Grief can take many forms, it can be complex, traumatic, chronic, lighthearted and so much more. It is our job as the AIP detective to try to better understand this grief and notice patterns between how it ebbs and flows. Just like our emotions, grief is fluid. It comes and goes, with moments of intensity and yet sometimes for ourselves and our clients, it gets stuck. 

Just like any other target, EMDR can be helpful in processing through these blocks and complexities that are associated with the grief for our clients. We know we can process through targets, symptoms, loss and death but it is also imperative we understand the grief that comes from being a trauma therapist. We see loss up close and personal and hold space for some of our clients biggest life challenges. We work to find a way to recognize and honor our own grief so that it can continue to ebb and flow without lingering too long. 

Here are some considerations and tips for working with grief as an EMDR therapist:

Be an AIP Detective: Start by conducting a thorough assessment to understand the nature of the client's grief and any potential traumatic aspects related to the loss. Grief can be multifaceted, and clients may have unresolved issues or traumatic memories linked to the loss that require attention.

Normalize it: Grieving is a natural response to loss, and it's crucial to let your clients know that their feelings are valid and understandable. Create a safe and non-judgmental space for them to express their emotions.

Adapt EMDR Protocols: EMDR protocols for grief-related trauma might differ from traditional protocols for PTSD. Be flexible in your approach and tailor the therapy to the client's unique needs and circumstances. Your client may need more physicalization to be able to approach their grief and what its connected to.

Address Guilt and Shame: Grief can often be accompanied by feelings of guilt and shame. Help clients process these emotions and work through any negative beliefs or self-blame related to the loss.

Emphasize Self-Compassion: Encourage clients to practice self-compassion as they navigate the grieving process. Grief can be emotionally draining, and they might need to be reminded to take care of themselves.

Acknowledge the Non-Linear Nature of Grief: Grieving doesn't follow a linear path, and clients may experience ups and downs in their emotions. Be prepared to support them through these fluctuations.

Check in with yourself as the therapist: How are you holding space for the grief that shows up? How are you taking care of yourself and making energetic deposits? Can we attune to what the grief may be trying to communicate with you? 

Grief is a part of life, and as such it makes sense we would see it in all 8 phases of the protocol throughout EMDR. We ask about it in phase 1, we meet its needs in phase 2, we light it up in phase 3, and so on. It is a part of the process that we have to be able to understand to best meet not only the needs of our clients but ourselves.